Daytime Television

Clearly Packer was on to something when he created his army of Jana-Clones.

And as there’s only ever one original thought permitted to occupy the entire spectrum of commercial television at any one time, we find the tube occupied by a series of never ending sub-Jana clones designed to emulate and reflect the daily biorhythms of it’s viewers.

Note the late morning, direct marketing clone; it’s Valium-esque drawl, its laconic yet assured approach to even the most mind-numbing products, its clever use of the same word in the same sentence over and over; a sweet lullaby of noun, adjective & verb, layer over layer over layer; cunningly crafted to penetrate that post school drop-off, red wine & Xanax haze.

‘cosy up on the super-cosy bed cosy, for only 14 monthly payments’

And the cardio twister! It has changed lives! Many of them! As testified by a legion of frenetic sports bunnies, with the one obligatory American: ‘I lost 8 kilos in 8 weeks and it changed my life’ – just to lend authenticity.

And of course, the weight loss has nothing to do with the amphetamine psychoses these people are clearly undergoing…


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