michael jackson

an old man died in my building last week
this is all that was left of him
strangers put it out on the street
a few hours later it was gone

Innocent Children

This oft used phrase poses several problems, not the least of which is of the ‘question begging’ variety. Who are these not so innocent children?

The cynic within me is immediately drawn to the church and its various evils, but could it be that the majority of the general populace, screen writers most definitely included, not only speak in cliches but actually think in them?

And if so, what does this mean for thought in general?

Judging by the current incarnation of the Sydney Morning Herald ‘newspaper’ one can only assume, not much.

It’s Not Art…

…if you call it art. Subsequently, you are not an artist if you call yourself an artist. You are however more than likely a bit of a tosser and have your hand firmly on it.

‘Artist’ is a title like ‘Doctor’ or ‘Engineer’ and titles are conferred by other people, thus only other people can decide if your creation is, as Zoidberg would put it, ‘an art’.

Painter; Writer, Seamster, Creator of Work: only other people have the capacity to say whether or not your work is that of an artist.

A reasonably good sign is if someone tries to buy it from you. A somewhat less reliable indicator is if they try to hang it on their walls. But the most surefire way to know that you are an artist is if other people start calling you one – preferably lots of them.

It is at this stage that you have an important choice to make, because if you personally adopt the title then you are essentially putting your hand on it, in a way very similar to the one mentioned earlier in the piece.

Buckets and Sticks

There are no conceivable cuss words that do not benefit from the suffixes bucket or stick.

In other news, I will be registering ‘beer’ with the Bureau International des Poids et Mesures (www.bipm.org) as the new international standard of time measurement, a move sure to thrill scientists and lovers of infinity alike.

And finally, I leave you with a question: perfect strangers, what are they so good at?

The past tenst of twitter

is twat

And also, Kanye doesn’t get irony

This boy gives a whole new meaning to the term nuwave-post-neo-luddite.

“I DON’T HAVE A F—ING TWITTER… WHY WOULD I USE TWITTER??? I ONLY BLOG 5 PERCENT OF WHAT I’M UP TO IN THE FIRST PLACE.,” West wrote in an anti-Twitter diatribe on his blog.

What he should have done was post a link to his blog on his official website, denying the existence of his twitter account.